My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
