She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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