Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
