Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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