New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
