He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
