This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
