I wish I could punch you in the face.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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