this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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