he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
