I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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