i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
