Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
