she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
