so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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