Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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