Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
