so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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