I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
