I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
