No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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