as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize