I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
