Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
