My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
