SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize