Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
