so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This toilet bowl is my home.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
