you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
