Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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