You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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