I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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