Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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