i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize