I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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