I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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