Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize