god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
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