I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
