life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
