we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
