god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
