I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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