Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
