note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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