I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
