Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
