You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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