did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
