as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
