peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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