If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize