Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
