When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize