ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize