At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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