I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
