So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
