Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
