Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
