nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
