My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
