i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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