Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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