Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
