do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
