why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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