There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize