my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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