He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
