I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize