I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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