I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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