this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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