Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
