Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
