I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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