On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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