ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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