Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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