Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
