i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
