If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
