Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need water and some morals
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
